Writing What I See

 

As I try to write something about the present evil happening in our country, I have no wise or clever words. My page fills with half-sentences and scribbles and scratched out paragraphs.  Instead of words, there are only faces, the brown and black faces of the refugee families I knew in Kentucky.

I see the Palestinian/Iraqi family who fled into the desert, stateless, after the fall of Sadaam Hussein. I see the silent, stolid grandmother, the animated and wiry grandfather, the newborn American baby held in protecting arms, and the mother and aunt with their tortured eyes, eyes that had seen rape and atrocity. I see their small living room and the sofa where I sipped sugared tea, underneath the huge American flag that filled the wall behind me, as gunshots rang out in their crime-ridden neighborhood. They thought that America would be safer.

I see the exhausted face of the middle-aged Congolese mother, damp with sweat after long days of cleaning hotel rooms. I see the worry in her eyes about affording education for her teenage daughter, newly clad in short skirts and American make-up. The rest of their family died in the genocide, and our foreign church was their only support system in a strange land.

I see the beautiful Karen children—so many children—born in refugee camps after their parents fled Burma as a persecuted Christian minority. I hear the hope and joy in their songs; I smell the musty apartment complex where they all lived, their rooms filled with our worn, left-over furnishings. I hear the innocent, birdlike chatter of these children, as they quickly learned to translate for their silent parents.

I see the Somali mother—ahh, the Somali mother—lost in the depths of depression, with one child—her “American” child—born with life-threatening medical challenges, never to leave the Home of the Innocents, never to receive his mother’s care. I see her incomprehension, her longing. I see her eight other children, running and jostling around their small apartment like caged squirrels while she sits with a vacant, half-smile on her face. I see the eldest, twelve-year-old Mohammed, trying so hard to be a man while his father works long hours in a factory. I see their empty refrigerator, their empty living room, filled only by a beautiful, red-patterned carpet.

These faces all fade and blend with the faces of my German friends, the way they were in the 1980’s when I lived there, when I too was a foreigner. I see Katharina, kind and strong, who had fled her home as a young child, following her father to the United States, the home of the free, after he took a stance as a theologian in Germany’s anti-Nazi Confessing Church. I see my elderly neighbor Frau Einhauser, her face wrinkled with smiles as she threw chocolates down to my children from her upstairs window. She spent her childhood scrounging for root-vegetables in harvested fields and re-knitting the fibers of potato sacks into sweaters to protect herself and her siblings from the cold. I see my young seminarian friend, his brow creased with the weight of the world, who told me that I, as an American, would never understand the shame that he held in his very bones as a post-war German citizen. 

All of this is what I see when I look at the photos from Minneapolis: at five-year-old Liam, terrified under his cute little hat as he waits in front of the ICE transport … at the coat-wrapped bodies of Americans shot dead on the street … I see it all, and I weep. Don’t you see it, too?