"Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living one. I was dead, and see, I am alive forever and ever; and I have the keys of Death and of Hades. Now write what you have seen, what is, and what is to take place after this." Rev. 1:17-19.

Saturday, May 9, 2020

When It Will Never Be The Same Again

Each morning when I wake up, I hear the birds chirping happily outside my window, and I open my eyes to the soft morning light. Then it hits me, and I remember: The latest news. The deaths. The injustices. The hatred. The mistrust. The suffering. The risks. The losses. The pandemic. A gnawing uncertainty begins to churn inside me. The grief begins to prickle around my heart. And the questions begin to rise and swirl around in my brain: Where is my old life going? Where are my children’s lives going? Where is my country going? Where is my Church going? I thought I knew. But my old world seems to be slipping quietly away into a future that I can’t pin down. Will I survive? How will I find God in this “new normal?”
Today’s Gospel is made for times like this. The passage from John that we just heard is part of what scholars call Jesus’ “Farewell Discourse.” It’s the intimate conversation that Jesus has with his disciples on the evening that we now call Maundy Thursday—during their last meal together. The meal where he washes their feet like a slave would do. The meal where he offers them his flesh to eat and his blood to drink. The meal before he is taken away to be crucified. After this night, they will never be together in the same way again.
It will never be the same again. These are the words that we dread hearing, aren’t they? The disciples’ questions are tinged with their dread for the future. Their thoughts drown in uncertainty. Peter asks outright, “Lord, where are you going? Why can’t I come with you?” Thomas worries, “If you are already gone, then how can we find our way to you?” Philip frets, “Can you at least show us what it’s going to look like?”  
Jesus’ heart is breaking as he watches them deal with the pain and grief that is filling their lives. He tries to comfort them, to tell them that he isn’t leaving them alone, that he loves them and that they will still be together somehow. “I’ve got this,” Jesus reassures them. “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust in me. You don’t need to know the way. I am the way, the truth, and the life. You might think that you can live life all on your own, that you can be in control of the future, that you can hang on to things that are passing away. But you can’t. It is through me, not on your own power, that you come to the Father.
It’s a shame how some Christians have misinterpreted these words of comfort that Jesus speaks from the depths of his pain and the depths of his love for us. They have made the caring words into judging words. “Ya’ gotta believe in Jesus to be saved,” these preachers say. “Jesus says right here in the bible, ‘You come to the Father only through me.’” But that’s not it at all! As Frederick Buechner writes: “[Jesus] does not say the church is the way. He does not say his teachings are the way … He does not say religion is the way, not even the religion that bears his name. He says he himself is the way. And he says that the truth is  … the truth of being truly human as he was truly human and thus at the same time truly God's. And the life we are dazzled by in him, haunted by in him, nourished by in him is a life so full of aliveness and light that not even the darkness of death could prevail against it.”[1]
So often we Christians turn trust in Jesus into belief in doctrines. We turn the richness of abundant life in God into “sweet pie in the sky by and by” in heaven. Eternal life is not merely a future promise, however. The risen Christ leaves the linear world of timelines and maps behind. The risen Christ is everywhere at once, with us in each present moment. He is by our side in our pain and in our joy right now. He is by our side in the shadowy future that we have yet to experience. In Jesus’ loving presence, we can put our trust. In Jesus’ loving presence, we will find the life in life, as well as the life in death.
Like Thomas and Philip, it’s normal for us to want more particulars, however. How will we know it’s Jesus who is with us? How will we know our role in this new world? How will it all work? Jesus tells us that in him, we have seen God. If we want to know what life in God looks like, it’s right before our eyes in the story of Jesus’ life and death. We see Jesus eat with sinners, welcome tax collectors and prostitutes, touch the unclean, and call the little children to his side. We see him suffer and sacrifice his life for a different kind of Kingdom, opposed to the powers and principalities of this world. We see him die and yet still rise again. We hear him say that the single new commandment that he has for us is that we love one another. Very truly I tell you,” Jesus says, “the one who trusts in me will also do the loving, healing works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these.” Where we see these works, yesterday, today and tomorrow, we find God and recognize Christ in our midst.
Recently, Dr. Rachel Easterwood was standing by the bedside of a patient struggling to breathe with Covid-19 in a busy New York City hospital. The patient was alone, unable to speak, and suffering. The doctor, who had trained as a classical clarinetist before going to med school, had an idea. She called a musician friend of hers on the other side of the country and asked her to play something and Facetime it through her iPhone for this patient. All of a sudden, beauty and peace flowed into a room filled with fear, pain, and the mechanical sounds of medical equipment. The music made such a difference to this patient that Dr. Easterwood continues her ministry in the midst of the Covid crisis. She has a network of musician friends—including a pianist right here at U of L—who have volunteered to play whenever a patient is especially alone or afraid. She just dials them up on her phone and places the phone next to a patient. Transcending time and place, the music, like God’s love, enters the nooks and crannies of our need. “It’s how we can hold [the patients’] hands right now,” one of the musicians said.
In an interview, Dr. Easterwood explained that when she first heard the music bring spiritual relief to a patient, all of a sudden she felt that everything she had done in her life had led her to that moment. Before, surrounded by death, she had felt helpless. Now, she mused, “If I don’t make it, I’ve done what I’m supposed to do.”[2] She has also done what Jesus asks of us: the work of love.
When I worry in the wee hours where my life is going, perhaps the only way to find out is indeed to trust in Jesus—and then to join the birds outside my window, pouring what I have left out into the world like a song.




[1] Frederick Buechner, “Let Jesus Show,” Day 1, December 29, 2014. Found at https://day1.org/articles/5d9b820ef71918cdf2003b4f/let_jesus_show.
[2] “Concert for One,” found at https://www.nytimes.com/video/nyregion/100000007092240/coronavirus-covid-patients-classical-music.html