"Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living one. I was dead, and see, I am alive forever and ever; and I have the keys of Death and of Hades. Now write what you have seen, what is, and what is to take place after this." Rev. 1:17-19.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

I'm Hungry!




EASTER 3B

Acts 3:12-19
Psalm 4
1 John 3:1-7
Luke 24:36b-48

O God, whose blessed Son made himself known to his disciples in the breaking of bread: Open the eyes of our faith, that we may behold him in all his redeeming work; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

           My teens used to burst through the back door after school, shed their heavy backpacks with a loud thud, fling their jackets on the nearest chair, and make a beeline for the refrigerator. They would open it with eager faces and scan the shelves with hungry eyes. Their stomachs growled as if they hadn’t eaten for days, despite the nice, healthy lunches that I had packed for them that morning. “Mom, I’m starving,” they would bellow as they leaned heavily on the open refrigerator door. “Don’t we have something in here to eat?!”
          That’s the image that comes to my mind as I listen to the newly resurrected Jesus in Luke’s gospel. He bursts into a closed room that is buzzing with the news of his multiple appearances. He throws his cloak on the nearest chair, calls out to everyone in greeting. And as his friends stand simultaneously gaping and trembling and crying and smiling and even clapping their hands with joy, he pushes right past them into the kitchen. He opens the first-century equivalent of a pantry door and bellows, “Hey, I’m starving! Got anything in here to eat?!”
          Now, I know that scholars tell us that Jesus eats that piece of fish to prove to the disciples, and to us, that he is not some kind of disembodied ghost. On the one hand, we know that a friend, once dead, who pops up in multiple places at once, breaking bread here and walking through walls there, must surely be a spirit worthy of the spookiest of ghost stories. On the other hand, we all know that ghosts don’t eat or drink, and we can’t really touch and feel their muscle and bone. So, if the disciples can touch Jesus with their fingers, and if they see Jesus swallowing a piece of fish, then surely this strange visitor is more than your run-of-the-mill ghost. Resurrection must have brought him back with his followers in body, as well as in spirit. Sure, I can see why Luke insists on the fish story.
          And yet, Jesus’ urgent cry of hunger still resonates with me. It has got to be more than just proof of a digestive system. The resurrected Christ is always hungry, always eating. He breaks bread with the two disciples on the Emmaus road. In John, he cooks up a fish breakfast to share with the disciples on the beach. Bread and fish, broken bread and baskets of fish … Remember the miraculous feeding of thousands with bread and fish on the hillside in Galilee? Remember the Last Supper? “This is my body.” “This is my blood.” “Take and eat in remembrance of me.” Jesus hungers, but Jesus also feeds. Jesus’ hunger reflects our hunger—the hunger that he alone can satisfy. It is our hunger for God, for meaning, for relationship, for community. We are like a hungry teenager desperately scanning the refrigerator shelves and saying to ourselves: “My soul is aching and empty. There’s got to be something in here that will fill me. It’s not this, and it’s not that. I don’t know exactly what I want, but it’s gotta be in here somewhere. Somewhere ….?”
          We might not always know where to find the food that we need, but Jesus does.
There has been a flurry in the news this week over a new book by young author Rachel Held Evans. Evans, who is now in her early thirties, grew up in an evangelical church. After blogging for awhile as a “moderate evangelical,” she has now found her way into the Episcopal Church. She has just published a book about her journey, called Searching for Sunday. Needless to say, Episcopalians are ecstatic to have an articulate young adult writing positively about our tradition! Evangelicals are less thrilled. There have been blogs back and forth, arguments offered both for and against Evans’ claims about why the more liturgical churches are especially attractive to the coveted “millennial generation,” adults in their 20’s and 30’s. One of the big advantages that Evans gives, of course, for our tradition, is the prominent place of the Eucharist, celebrated every Sunday. Another Episcopal priest, agreeing with Evans, explains: “The Eucharist is the beating heart of Christian worship. It brings transformation in a way that even the best sermon can’t. It speaks to the whole person, not just the mind. Recovering a high view of the Eucharist—and restoring it to its rightful place in Christian worship—is one substantial reason we were captivated by the liturgy.”[1] Young adults, just like each one of us older folks, are starving for a food that the world cannot give. They are hungry for a meal shared in close community, for a meal shared with Jesus himself. When he comes to them in Jerusalem, Jesus gives two gifts to his disciples: a gift for the mind, in the opening and sharing of the good news in scripture, and a gift for the heart, in giving himself as our spiritual food and drink of new life in him.  Each time we gather as a Christian community, he comes to feed us both in scripture and in the breaking of the bread.
          Many years ago, I too was one of those coveted “20-somethings,” a mom with 3 children. I was too busy to go to church. I was also too mad at God over the abrupt end of my marriage even to do much praying, beyond an occasional angry fist-shaking in God’s direction. During that time, I had a recurring dream. I was in a dark, empty room filled only with a mini-fridge—the kind you put in a college dorm room. I was hungry, and there was no food in the house at all. I bent down and opened up the little fridge, full of hope. As I opened the door, bright light from the fridge poured out into the darkness of the room. And yet, inside, the fridge was empty, except for a couple of unappetizing containers of moldy leftovers. It’s at that point—hungry and dejected, but unwilling to close the refrigerator door—that I would wake up.
It doesn’t take a psychologist to explain that dream: In the busy distress of my daily life, I was spiritually starving. Whatever stores of joy and meaning and love that I had previously packed into Tupperware containers and saved in my spiritual refrigerator, they had sat for too long uneaten and untended. I needed the food that Jesus offers us: the food of love, forgiveness, and new life. I needed Jesus to re-stock my fridge. As you might expect, the dream went away when I went back to church to eat with Jesus every week, and when I began to pray again.
There is a touching Pandora jewelry ad in which young children are blindfolded and led, one at a time, over to a line of mothers. Each child feels the hands and face of each woman, softly fingering her cheeks and smelling beneath her chin. And every time without fail, the child stops at his or her own mom. He smiles in relief and recognition, rips off the blindfold, and beams, while the mother swoops the child up in her arms.[2] This is the way in which the disciples must have reached out for their risen Lord: tenderly, tentatively, carefully fingering his hands and face as if they were blindfolded. This is also the way we in which we reach out for our risen Lord in the Eucharistic meal. Blindfolded and hungry, we feel our way forward in the dark. We hold out our hands to receive his body. We feel its rough edges and the familiar way it melts against the roof of our mouths. We open our lips to receive his blood. We smell the wine-smell, we feel it burn our throats and fill our mouths with sweetness all at the same time. Somehow, he is suddenly there with us, but not as a menacing ghostly presence. He is there with us, loving us like a mother. Opening his arms to us, rejoicing, laughing, and embracing. And we are hungry no more.


[1] Ben Irwin, “Rearranging the Chairs,” found at http://benirwin.me/2013/07/30/re-rearranging-the-chairs-a-response-to-richard-dahlstrom-responding-to-rachel-held-evans/?utm_content=buffer34594&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
[2] https://www.facebook.com/pandorajewelry/videos/10153758110079867/?pnref=story

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