"Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living one. I was dead, and see, I am alive forever and ever; and I have the keys of Death and of Hades. Now write what you have seen, what is, and what is to take place after this." Rev. 1:17-19.

Saturday, March 12, 2022

Hens, Ducks, and Jesus

 

In 2007, at the end of our time in Jerusalem, my seminary group stood in the church called “Dominus Flevit” and looked out over the holy city. This little church is built in the shape of a tear drop and bears the Latin name for, “The Lord Wept.” It marks the spot where Jesus is supposed to have uttered the lament that we just heard in Luke’s Gospel. The church altar sits in front of a clear glass window. This window is framed in black iron designs so that a cross, and just above it, the dark outline of a chalice and host, are interposed right on top of a spectacular view of Jerusalem. I stood there and looked out at the domes and rooftops, glowing gold in the afternoon sun. My heart twisted with grief as Jesus’ words echoed in my head: “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!”

You see, I had just visited many of the most holy places in the world. I had met wonderful people on all sides of the Middle East conflict who were negotiating life together in this complex city. But the constant signs of entrenched violence were what overwhelmed me: the ever-present Israeli soldiers in full army gear on the street corners; barbed-wire spread around buildings like deadly Christmas garlands; the ancient gate where the apostle Stephen was stoned, now pock-marked with centuries of bullet holes; the Palestinian kindergartners lined up at armed check points to get to school on the other side of the horrifying concrete Wall. Everywhere I looked, there were signs of killing and stoning, guns and terrorist bombs, wars and curses. O Jerusalem, Jerusalem. You are but a symbol for the human violence that fills our world. Even today, you still reflect back to us Jesus’ painful longing to save us from ourselves. What a fitting Gospel reading for us today, as the horrible violence of war once again rages in Europe. How Jesus must weep over the bombs falling on hospitals, the women and children fleeing by the millions, the lives broken and ended on both sides by the invasion of Ukraine.

Even over here, in the relative safety of the United States, I can picture myself as one of those defenseless chicks, clueless and peeping. How easy it is for me to superimpose the face of Vladimir Putin on the face of that despotic fox, Herod Antipas: Crafty and sly, hungry and greedy, using power and self-interest to achieve his ends. I have to ask: With such powerful foxes prowling around us, why did you have to choose a hen, Jesus?  Innocent people are shot in our grocery stores, and fires burn down whole neighborhoods, and war tears apart a whole country. I’m all for using feminine images and highlighting the powerful devotion of a mother …. But why aren’t you a mother lion, Jesus? Or a mother grizzly bear? Or a mother wolf? Why not something with some teeth and some claws? As Barbara Brown Taylor writes, “When the foxes of this world start prowling really close to home, when you can hear them snuffling right outside the door, then it would be nice to have a little bigger defense budget for the hen house.”[1]

Always a city girl, I myself don’t really know much about the lives of farm animals, including mother hens. I do know about mother ducks, though. Last spring, right outside our kitchen window, a mother mallard duck crept behind our juniper bushes to lay her eggs. She was so well-camouflaged in the brown mulch that a quick glance would miss her entirely. With her bill tucked down in her feathers and her body flat with the ground, she spent most of her time peacefully asleep, covering her brood. Mother Mallard was always there at her post, the epitome of faithfulness, and I wondered how she got enough food and water to sustain herself. Having been a single mom, I identified with this mother duck, alone minding her babies as their father flitted around the pond, flying free. During a cold snap, I became filled with even more compassion for her, for she stayed on her nest all day while icy rain slid off her back. “What a good mother,” I thought to myself, and sighed.

After several weeks had passed, though, the weather had warmed enough for the HOA lawn service to come by. Hearing the loud mowers, I worried right away how the mother duck would bear all this noise. I looked out my window to check on her … but she was gone. There were twelve eggs in her well-padded nest, made soft with fluffy pieces of her own down. “She’ll be back soon,” I reasoned. “She must have been startled and has gone to find food.” But that night, she still wasn’t back. The next morning, the eggs sat unprotected in their cozy nest, and a few were broken. “Predators!” I gasped. Shaken, I got out my trusty iPhone and read with growing dread and dismay all about the nesting behavior of ducks. I learned that, when frightened, the mother duck runs away and never returns to her nest. She simply leaves her eggs to die and starts over later with another brood. I was devastated. I understood that, in the case of danger, having the mother die with her young would not propagate the species, but still …. It was a long time before I was ready to cover the remains of those abandoned eggs with soil. It was hard for me to give up on mama duck.

I’m afraid that, when danger lurks, I have about as much trust in God as I now have in mother ducks. Not that God would get scared and run off, exactly, but sometimes, I just don’t trust God to turn up. Just saying: it does look like there are an awful lot of unprotected nests out there in this world … And I sometimes feel like a defenseless little egg in the face of the world’s troubles, uncovered and thin-shelled. I decide that I need to take care of things myself, that the survival of the nest is up to me. But of course, it’s not.

Did you know that real chickens can actually communicate with the clucking sounds that they make? They have a special happy cluck and a special “hunger” cluck. They also have a special “danger” cluck. When the little chicks hear their mother cry danger, they are wired to come running, to run toward the one who calls them, and to hunker down under her wings.[2] The image of creatures taking shelter under the wings of the Almighty, too, is all over the psalms. As the psalmist writes, “How precious is your steadfast love, O God! All people may take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”[3] But we chicks facing Herod the Fox don’t seem to get it. We don’t run home to our loving Protector. When we don’t heed the call of our prophets, or even the call of our mothering Savior, then something is wrong. We are acting against our created nature.[4] And Jesus weeps.

O Jesus, our Mother Hen, you are so unlike my Mother Mallard, and so unlike me. When danger descends upon you, you don’t run and hide. You walk straight into the violence of Jerusalem, straight into the den of the fox. You stay with us there. You don’t give up on the world to try again somewhere else. You stretch out your fragile wings so wide that they cover the whole world. You stretch them out “on the hard wood of the cross,” as the collect says, “that we all might come within the reach of your saving embrace.”[5] No wonder the window of Dominus Flevit in Jerusalem frames the city’s violence and suffering with a cross and with a chalice and host raised high. In the eucharist, Jesus continues to call us to himself every Sunday. And, as Lauren Winner points out, this time we go.[6] We come forward; we’re gathered in, and we take shelter in Jesus’ body—a body broken and shared, yet more powerful than the evil of all this world’s foxes.



[1] Barbara Brown Taylor, Bread of Angels (Cambridge, MA: Cowley Publications, 1997), 128.

[2] Lauren Winner, “Luke 13 Sermon, Goodson Chapel,” unpublished manuscript. I am indebted to this sermon for many insights into this text.

[3] Psalm 36:7.

[4] Winner, 2.

[5] Collect for Mission, Morning Prayer Rite II, Book of Common Prayer, 101.

[6] Winner, 6.


Saturday, March 5, 2022

A Good Enough Test

 

It was the summer before 9th grade, and I was about to start high school in a new school. I was taking a summer algebra class in order to catch up in math with my fellow classmates. There were only three of us new, entering students in the class, and we were each afraid to talk to one another. Even my timid footsteps in the empty school corridors echoed loneliness. We had class in the chemistry lab, for some reason, and the whole room smelled like old, rancid chemicals. For what seemed like forty days and forty nights, I labored alone in the stinky wilderness of algebra. It was very, very hard.

          On the day of our first test, I panicked. I had always been a good student. In fact, school work was all that I felt good at. But as I looked at the problems on this test, I was stumped. The numbers started to swim in front of my eyes, and my hand shook holding the pencil. I couldn’t think straight. I kept erasing and re-writing my answers. Soon, I watched each one of the other students walk up to the front of the room, put their finished test paper on the lab counter, and leave for the day. The teacher had gone down the hall for a cup of coffee, counting on the school’s strict honor code to keep us honest. When the last student left, I sighed, gathered my paper and pencil, and walked to the front of the room. As I placed my work next to the other exams, I couldn’t help but notice that my answers for many of the questions differed from the answers on the other students’ papers. I froze. If they were right, and I was wrong, then I was going to fail this test. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough to go to this school, I thought in a panic. My parents would be so disappointed in me. My teachers wouldn’t like me anymore. It wouldn’t be bearable.        

So I peered around the room to make sure that no one was watching. I grabbed my pencil, and erased my answers one last time, rewriting them to make them match the numbers on the other students’ papers.

I ended up making a nice B in summer algebra. I didn’t get an F on that math exam or get caught for cheating. But I failed--I failed my first (but certainly not my last) wilderness test.

“Since you are a smart girl,” the Devil inside my head crooned to me, “you must do everything perfectly. They only love you for your brains, you know. ‘To the one to whom much is given, much is expected,’” the voice added, paraphrasing words that I’d heard even in church.

And I believed the tempter’s voice. Unlike Jesus, I hadn’t bothered to learn any words from the Bible with which to counter his arguments.

We all have something, or many somethings, that cut us off from our bond of love with God. We all have something to which we give our hearts, believing that it alone will make us worthy. For some, it might be the perfectionism that drove my cheating as a teen. For some, it might be the love of busyness and that important feeling that it provides. For others, it might be the powerful feeling of being in charge and in control. Or it might be the love of security and comfort. Or the love of money and success.

I am always struck by the similarity of the Devil’s challenging words for Jesus and our own language about the ways of the world:

“Do you care about your hungry people, Jesus? Of course you do! Simply turn on your power, then, and feed them,” offers the Devil. How often we hear that there are easy, painless fixes for our problems, fixes that we can control with money or gumption. If we buy this product or follow this self-help book, we can “live our best lives now.” But Jesus knows that everything we are and everything we have comes from God alone. Like the manna in the wilderness, God’s gifts can’t be hoarded or ordered from a menu of our own devising.

Next, the Devil asks, “Do you want to bring the nations to God, Jesus? Of course you do! Then rule them with an iron hand, as Rome does, and they will all fall to their knees. Do you want to impress us, Jesus? Do you want us all to turn to you? Of course you do. So just leap unhurt from the highest wall in Jerusalem and sway us with your divinity,” offers the Devil. How often to do we hear on TV that outward success is the true proof of our worth and of God’s blessing? How often do we hear in this world that taking power over others is the only way to survive? Society tells us that we can buy and scramble and cheat and fight and compete for what we need. We can take control of our own destinies. But Jesus understands that true strength lies in vulnerability, that true love only enters a heart that has been broken open, that true power often looks like weakness, and that true life is stronger than death.

Jesus wasn’t tested only during those early forty days in the wilderness. Luke tells us that the Tester would return at an opportune time. And he does:

“You’re not really going to leave us?!” cry the disciples in disbelief when they hear Jesus telling them what awaits him in Jerusalem.

“Take this cup from me!” begs Jesus in Gethsemane.   

          “You don’t really want me to give THIS much of my hard-earned income to the poor, do you, Jesus?” we plead.

          “You don’t mean for me to forgive THIS annoying enemy, do you, Jesus?”

“You can’t mean for me to fail my math test?” cries young Anne.

“Yes, yes I do,” answers Jesus, his own heart breaking over our lack of trust.

 

Lent is a time to examine our hearts, to look at what fills them and at what makes them shrink with fear. But it is also a time to mark our hearts with a cross, to re-dedicate them to the God who saves us through love, love that is fearlessly poured out into a sinful world, love that is constantly poured out on us, even when we fail our tests again and again. This Lent, O God, help us to dedicate our hearts not to perfection, not to fear, not to shame—but to the God who teaches us how to love, and how to truly live. With Kate Bowler, author of our Lenten discussion book, I pronounce this blessing upon each of us, even upon my own teenage self: “Blessed are you who need a gentle reminder that even now, even today, God is here, and somehow, that is good enough.”[1]

 



[1] From the preface of: Kate Bowler,  Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection (New York: Convergent, 2022.)

Wednesday, March 2, 2022

Too many ashes?

 

I had originally thought about offering “Ashes to Go” this year in downtown Louisville. Now that Covid concerns are lessening, I could picture Deacon Jan and me standing on the corner outside Moxie’s bakery with our prayers and ashes, looking O So Holy. But as the day drew near, my heart recoiled. I couldn’t do it, not this soon after the Marshall Fire. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t show up with my little container of holy ash in a community still filled to overflowing with the real stuff. I couldn’t tell struggling strangers who had just lost their homes and their dreams that they needed to remember that everything turns to dust. They don’t need my pious reminder to know that nothing of this world lasts forever—they only need to look around their communities.

          Ash is on our windowsills, our furniture, our walls. It’s embedded in our insulation and floats in the air that we breathe. And oh, outdoors! --the piles of it that still line the sidewalks and gutters and linger in porch corners! Not to mention the entire charred neighborhoods of ash. Our local ashes look just like the burned palms that we bless today—fine and gray, soft to the touch, delicate. But they’re not really the same, are they? They say that the ash that fills our community is toxic, not holy. Don’t touch it, they say. It will give you cancer. Don’t breathe it. Don’t scatter it around. This is the ash of burned homes, burned dreams, environmental disaster, and of lives turned inside out.

          What we need to remember today, though, is the strange, hard-to-grasp truth that God is in this ash, as well. Today is the beginning of Lent, the forty days in which we enter once again the stories of Jesus’ trials and real suffering that lead up to his crucifixion. In the wilderness, in constant rejection and seeming failure, in reaching out to the lost, the broken, and the lonely, in Gethsemane, at Golgotha, God in Jesus Christ joins us in the toxic ash of life in this world. As Nadia Bolz Weber preached last Sunday at the Cathedral in Denver, “You need no longer climb up to, strive for or achieve holiness  - for it is too busy already reaching into the troubled dirt of your humanity.”[1] God is too busy reaching into the toxic ash of our common life and dwelling with us here, raising us, with Christ, into new life, transforming us with love. Today, as we receive ashes on our foreheads, we are free to admit our pain, our imperfection, our sorrow. Poet Jan Richardson writes, today “is the day / we freely say/ we are scorched./ This is the hour/ we are marked/ by what has made it / through the burning.[2]

          One of the Covid-safe options for distributing ashes this year is to return to the ancient Jewish practice of sprinkling ash over our heads. That way, I wouldn’t take the risk of spreading any virus by touching foreheads. I thought that might be a good idea, since pouring ash over the head was indeed what Jesus and the prophets would have done to repent of their sins. I thought about it but finally decided to stick with making the cross on our foreheads. We need to continue to receive our ashes in the form of a cross, a cross right in that place of blessing, in that place where we are marked as Christ’s own forever in baptism. With a cross of ash on our foreheads, we can bear the grace of Jesus’ vulnerable, self-giving love in our communities. We can remember, and share, the love of the God who made us, who walks with us through the flames and the ashes, and who lifts us up into new life.

          Jesus probably would have stood in front of Moxie today, even if people scorned and reviled him. Like he holds out bread and wine to feed us with his body and blood, he might have scooped up a handful of dirt and ashes at his feet and said, like we will pray at 7 pm today: God created you out of the dust of the earth, and you are God’s people.  Let these ashes be a sign that you belong to God, and because God loves you, God has made you forever God’s, on earth and in heaven. Amen.



[1] Nadia Bolz-Weber, Transfiguration sermon found at https://thecorners.substack.com/p/good-for-you-but-what-about-the-rest?s=r

[2] Jan Richardson, “A Blessing for Ash Wednesday,” found at Blessing the Dust - A Blessing for Ash Wednesday (Jan Richardson) (billjohnsononline.com).